by Linda Goodman …
It’s what every dog lover dreads. Making the decision to say goodbye to your best friend is a difficult and often harrowing experience. It’s also your greatest responsibility and a final act of kindness to your loyal companion.
When I was younger, I used to believe that it had to be an emergency situation to make the decision to call the vet and have my dog euthanised. I think this is how a lot of people feel. There are others who just ‘hope’ that their best friend will go in their sleep, so they don’t have to make that awful decision. Sadly, it is very rare for this to happen and can often mean unnecessary suffering for their dog. We can hang on to our best friends for too long because we just can’t bear to make the decision to say goodbye to them. But we don’t have to wait until the 11th hour, nor should we wait until it’s an emergency decision.
Whether you decide to have an at-home euthanasia or at the vet’s surgery is a very personal one. There is no right or wrong way to do it and there are pros and cons to both. For example, you might want your dog to be at home, surrounded by family and friends in a familiar setting. It can be less stressful for all involved. This is usually a good call if your dog doesn’t have any serious underlying health conditions. If they do, it can be best to have it done at the vet’s surgery, just in case there are any complications, because they’ll have all the necessary help and equipment if needed. In the case of an emergency, always go straight to your veterinary surgery.
Back in the day, long before the pandemic and the dramatic increase in the UK’s dog population, vets had more time to schedule at home appointments. Today there just aren’t enough vets and too many pets to accommodate this. However, there are mobile vets who are set up to specifically cater for at home euthanasia, even if you’re not one of their clients. I would recommend doing a search online, long before you need such a service, to see if there’s one in your area, and keep their number handy. When it was time to say goodbye to my best friend, Teddy, I chose to have a mobile vet come to the house.
When is the right time?
How you make the decision that the time is right comes down to a number of factors, which can include whether your dog has stopped eating, can’t stand up, or doesn’t want to get out of bed. If they’re in pain they may be shivering. It all comes down to whether their quality of life is no longer good enough and they’re suffering as a result. No dog lover wants their dog to suffer, ever, but these are often the only way for a person to tell whether it’s time. Sometimes just looking your dog in the eyes will be enough to know that they’re ready to go. If you’re ever in doubt, ask your vet what they would do if this was their dog. They’ll give you an honest answer.
Today, I live by the premise ‘better a day too soon than a minute too late’, and as hard as it is, and however much you question whether your buddy can live to fight another day, it’s far kinder to let them go before it becomes an emergency.
How euthanasia is done
For a first-time dog owner, the process of euthanasia can be frightening as well as upsetting. The fear of the unknown can cause major anxiety, which is why I want to explain the process so that you’re better prepared.
The vet will firstly examine your dog to confirm whether it’s time. They will then shave an area of the front paw, or perhaps even a back leg if your dog’s blood pressure is low. If your dog is very distressed, they may suggest administering a sedative first. They will then leave you with your dog for around five minutes for it to work. Your dog will become very sleepy, and the vet will then insert a canula into a vein, which is how the euthanasia drug will be administered. The drug itself is basically an overdose of an anaesthetic called pentobarbital, which can be coloured yellow, pink, or blue.
They will then ask you if you’re ready. If your dog is small, hold them close in your arms so that the last thing they feel, smell, and hear, is you. If your dog is big stroke their head and speak to them in low soothing tones as they gently fall asleep. Try really hard to contain your emotions so that your dog doesn’t pick up on your stress and sadness. You will feel their body become heavy and limp as they become unconscious. The vet will then use a stethoscope to listen to their chest and confirm that their heart has stopped beating. Once your dog has passed, the vet will leave you with them for a short time so that you can say goodbye. Please also be aware that as your dog passes away, they may urinate or defecate so if you’re holding your dog, it might be best to have a blanket or towel on your lap just in case.
In the vast majority of cases euthanasia is swift and apart from being terribly sad, is non-eventful. On very rare occasions, your dog may let out a final moan or even a howl, but it’s important to understand that this doesn’t mean that your dog is in pain or is feeling distressed. It is an involuntary reaction as your dog is passing away. Even though your dog’s heart has stopped and they have died there can also, on rare occasions, be something called ‘agonal breathing’, which may appear as if your unconscious dog is gasping for breath for a few seconds. Please be reassured that this is, once again, an involuntary physical reaction and your dog has no consciousness of this. If one, or both, of these things happen when you’re saying goodbye to your best friend it can be terribly upsetting to watch, but it is a very rare occurrence. Of all the dogs I’ve had euthanised, and there have been too many, this has only happened to me once and, as experienced as I am at losing my buddies, I’ll admit I felt shaken to my core. As humans, we automatically associate a dog’s howl as being from pain and a gasp for breath appearing to be from suffocation. Thankfully, neither of these is true for a dog during euthanasia. Rest assured you have made the right decision, at the right time. It’s vital that you don’t harbour any feelings of regret about letting your beloved dog go. That’s what love is.
Once the vet has confirmed that your dog has passed away, this is when the floodgates open and your emotions may take over. It’s a monumental loss and it’s only natural for this to happen, sometimes through the sheer relief that your dog is no longer suffering. But for others, they can feel like they’re in a daze and the reality takes more time to process. Both reactions are perfectly normal.
Cremation or burial
It’s important to note that before your dog is put to sleep the vet will ask you what your wishes are for their remains. Please don’t be angry about this. As much as it seems a heartless thing to bring up while your dog is still alive, vets know that once your dog has died, your emotions will take over and making an important decision like this will be so much harder for you.
If you decide to have your pet cremated, they will ask you if you want their ashes returned to you, and how you wish them to be housed, such as in a box with a brass plate, or in a ceramic jar. Many people find it incredibly comforting to have their dog’s ashes with them. Some people like to spread their dog’s ashes in a place where their best friend loved to walk. For others, just having them at home is enough. If you haven’t already thought of this, please do speak with the vet about having some of their fur which can be made into jewellery and ask for a pawprint which you can frame or even decide to get a tattoo of.
I’ve lost so many dogs over the years that I have a wooden chest full of little boxes with brass plaques on them. They travel with me from home to home and I have it written into my will that when I die, I want all of their ashes to be scattered with mine. It may sound a bit strange for someone who isn’t religious, but I am spiritual, and I find it comforting to think that all of our ashes will be united at the end of my life. Of course this won’t be for everyone, so you might find you get closure from scattering your beloved dog’s ashes in their favourite place, or you might just want to keep them in your home.
In the early days, I used to bury my dogs in the garden of our house, but what I quickly discovered was that when we moved home, I felt a sudden tug at my heart at leaving them behind. From then on, I always had my dogs cremated.
Grieving for your best friend
When your dog has passed and is no longer with you, life can feel very strange. Your home can feel empty, your heart is broken and nothing feels right. That’s the price we pay for loving and losing our animal friends. If you can say to yourself that your dog lived their best life with you, and that you showed them love and affection and looked after their needs while they were with you, then try and find some comfort in this.
The sense of loss of losing a much-loved dog can be overwhelming. Don’t be afraid to talk about your grief to friends and family members. Grieving for an animal is nothing to be ashamed of, it just shows how much you loved them. I know many people who have grieved more for a lost dog or cat than they have for a family member.
If, after a while, you find that you are just not coping with your loss, reach out to one of the professional pet bereavement services that are available. Some charities offer this service free of charge, and it can really help to talk to someone who completely understands how you’re feeling.
You can never replace a lost love
Every dog is unique and it’s impossible to replace a dog you’ve lost. Even if they look identical, their personality will be completely different. Many people swear they will never have a dog again because losing them is just too painful. That’s a completely normal reaction.
For others, the decision isn’t as clear cut. This is especially true if you have more than one dog and the dog that’s left behind is grieving for their buddy. When my yellow lab, Cariad, lost her best friend Boomer, a seventeen-year-old golden retriever, she took to her bed for three weeks, lost interest in food and didn’t want to go out for walks. It was heartbreaking to see her grief and it became clear that she was going to struggle being an only dog. Suddenly my own grief at losing Boomer paled into insignificance. So, I made the decision to adopt a companion for her. I chose another golden retriever who was seven years old called Amy. The difference this made was phenomenal. Cariad’s spirits were lifted, and the two girls very quickly became best friends.
The point is, that if you’re anything like me, life without a doggie companion is just unthinkable. In my youth, I used to wait at least a year to adopt another dog, thinking that it was disrespectful to the memory of my lost friend to act sooner. But I no longer feel this way. There are thousands and thousands of dogs in rescues across the UK waiting patiently for a forever home. So, if you decide to adopt another dog even if it’s just a few weeks after losing yours, just know that you’ll be doing a wonderful thing for that dog and for yourself. As much as we think we’re rescuing a dog, more often than not, it’s the dog that is rescuing us.
In memory of your best friend
Something many people find comforting is to have a lock of their dog’s fur to place in a locket, or to have their pawprints framed with a favourite photo. To help with this we’ve included a Memorial Keepsakes page on our website. We have purchased many of these keepsakes for ourselves and our friends.
Whatever you decide to do, however you decide to do it, and whenever the time comes, the greatest act of love you will ever give your dog is to help them to go peacefully and with dignity.
WOOFABILITY 